Thanks to.....
-my bookie for setting his lines so generously and never complicating our relationship with heavily armed Meat heads.
-the 4 Letter network for giving us such knee slappers as:
"Brandon Jennings might be the one."
"Is Brett Favre retired?"
"MMA is the fastest growing "sport" in America."
-poor follicle genetics.
-a woman with an ample hind end, or what some may crudely yet affectionately refer to as a pooper.
-outer demons
-app platters
-network dramas
-maintaining an us against the world mentality while achieving unexpected heights.
-cryptic irony and the many lessons it has given to us.
-the inventor of the bio-degradable baby wipe.
-most of all, my minions.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Give Thanks
In the spirit of the holiday I have posted some of my closest Twitter friends' thanksgiving tweets. Enjoy!
Rupert Murdoch: "I fear that all I have to be thankful for is fear itself."
Miley Cyrus: "Well I'd have to say that what I am thankful for in my already blessed life is THE BLOOD OF THE LOST CHILDREN I HAVE BEEN SENT HERE TO CONSUME AND RETURN TO MEPHISTOPHELES SO THAT HE MY RETURN TO EARTH AND REIGN UPON THE LAND AN ETERNAL FIERY ENSLAVEMENT OF THE PITIFUL HUMAN RACE!!!!!!!!! And Jesus of course!"
Pat Smith: "Burgess"
George W. Bush: "Besides gettin' outta the White House before the shit storm I set in motion came around, I am thankful for three things.......Clits, tits, and bong hits! God bless America."
Alex Rodriguez: "I am thankful for being the baseball player with the best tan. I am the best athlete in the sport, and the best looking, and the fittest one of them all, and you know, and I'm gonna show it."
50 Cent: "Sup son!? I'm thankful to God for real that I'm one of the best rappers, when I'm hungry."
Tom Arnold: "I am thankful for that I am off the shit for one. Most of all, I am thankful for chubby matures."
Death: "I'm going to have to say ventriloquists."
John Oates: "Sultry eyes, standard poses, my mustache; there's so much to be thankful for. However I am going to tighten it up for you and narrow my official response down to this and you can figure it out. The secret to our success. Purple."
Rupert Murdoch: "I fear that all I have to be thankful for is fear itself."
Miley Cyrus: "Well I'd have to say that what I am thankful for in my already blessed life is THE BLOOD OF THE LOST CHILDREN I HAVE BEEN SENT HERE TO CONSUME AND RETURN TO MEPHISTOPHELES SO THAT HE MY RETURN TO EARTH AND REIGN UPON THE LAND AN ETERNAL FIERY ENSLAVEMENT OF THE PITIFUL HUMAN RACE!!!!!!!!! And Jesus of course!"
Pat Smith: "Burgess"
George W. Bush: "Besides gettin' outta the White House before the shit storm I set in motion came around, I am thankful for three things.......Clits, tits, and bong hits! God bless America."
Alex Rodriguez: "I am thankful for being the baseball player with the best tan. I am the best athlete in the sport, and the best looking, and the fittest one of them all, and you know, and I'm gonna show it."
50 Cent: "Sup son!? I'm thankful to God for real that I'm one of the best rappers, when I'm hungry."
Tom Arnold: "I am thankful for that I am off the shit for one. Most of all, I am thankful for chubby matures."
Death: "I'm going to have to say ventriloquists."
John Oates: "Sultry eyes, standard poses, my mustache; there's so much to be thankful for. However I am going to tighten it up for you and narrow my official response down to this and you can figure it out. The secret to our success. Purple."
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Are you shitting me? This is mine.
Sup B. Gambling here on my new favorite day of the week. And what do you know it! In the early stages of tonight's adventure things were indeed looking ominous for my ego, wallet, and self-esteem. But suddenly my prospects have been given a little hope as tonight's challenges have progressed.
The profoundly evil New York Yankees are doing me good as Mark Teixeira has just tied the Anaheim Angels by carving them up with the precision of a world renowned heart surgeon who undoubtedly studied at UPMC medical school. And hooray for that! Ye yeah.
Now my ingenious ploy to get myself a free funded flight and game ticket to commit extremely addictive and disturbing behavior doesn't look like such a pipe dream as some known doubters professed. And hell yeah! The second squad in tonight's ripe peach of a parlay, the equally evil Florida State Seminoles, just cut into their early deficit in Chapel Hill. Rashaan Salaam! This gambling doctor's prognosis looks good!
If my dark prediction rings true I will most definitely be able to cover live and in color the unveiling of the Denver Broncos for you. It will be an exposure though dudes. And barring any severe injuries for my heroes before the big Monday Night pantsing in the Rockies, it will probably be an indecent one at that. The Denver Broncos and their snot nosed brat coach Joshua McDaniels are an astounding 6 and o as I write this in the year of our lord 2009. How is this possible!? What is going on!? Who is doing this!? Is what you are asking. Well for the life of me, much like the rest of the blood thirsty, maggot eating vultures that call themselves the NFL nation, I cannot tell you bud. I mean they have a few unknown badasses on their underrated defense, but other than luck I do not have a logical reason as to how this travesty has come abaht.
Anyways, that don't matter now B, cuz Florida State just brought it within 5 before the start of the 4th quarter and I will be there for you, when, before a national audience on cable television and illegal worldwide internet streams, the heroic and mighty Pittsburgh Steelers show the world what Denver is actually packin'. They say numbers don't lie but I have a sneaking suspicion that whomever made that statement first, had a miserable little pecker. Ah yes, it will be a truly vicious and undoubtedly unrewarding assignment, but I will of course be there for you.
Even though this evening looks surely to be going to be a gut wrenching, teeth grinding, drag aht, knock 'em dahn slobberknocker; my confidence shall not stagger. Only for the sheer reason that it is not acceptable in the pursuit of victory. It cannot be tolerated. And you can trust that it won't. As long as it is close of course. In terms of sport, that means if the Yankees go dahn any more than 4 again, I am probably screwed. And for the State school in Florida, a deficit increase by any more than 2 scores will surely break my back on this bloody evening.
Unlike our nobel President, who faces a key moment in the legacy that he will leave as the unfortunate soul who took the hurlers from Big Texas Oil off the mound. Now coming in for relief! From Wall Street, by way of Corrupt Chicago Real Estate, Barack Obama! Obama!
Obama will not show he has lost. He most definitely can't. Too much at stake for some folks who are more sick and depraved in their gambling habits than me or you. It's virtually not even his decision to make. But in reality it is. But that reality is not somewhere this hypnotic lawyer lives. He has his own that he shares with his financially polarizing cohorts. The world of big business. Somewhere that makes betting the mortgage on the Yankees to clinch look like a wager made on a public basketball court in Venice Beach. These are REAL gambling addicts B. It's a sick life to live as a business man.
Why do you think Obama dresses like he does? He's not an every man. He's a business man. All the world's indeed a stage and he dresses the part. He has business interests at heart. So don't go thinking any of that money is going towards you going to the doc bozo.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! watch aht nah Bud, you're dahn in this baseball game and you're football match has a huge 3rd and medium comin' up. Off the politics and focus man!
Sha Sha. Seminole stop. Carolina settles for 3. Touchdahn wins it. Better set the fruitcup baby bro's Mac dahn and put some attention in. It's been real. Remember; don't lose confidence! You will win. Anything less than victory is unacceptable. Aht.
The profoundly evil New York Yankees are doing me good as Mark Teixeira has just tied the Anaheim Angels by carving them up with the precision of a world renowned heart surgeon who undoubtedly studied at UPMC medical school. And hooray for that! Ye yeah.
Now my ingenious ploy to get myself a free funded flight and game ticket to commit extremely addictive and disturbing behavior doesn't look like such a pipe dream as some known doubters professed. And hell yeah! The second squad in tonight's ripe peach of a parlay, the equally evil Florida State Seminoles, just cut into their early deficit in Chapel Hill. Rashaan Salaam! This gambling doctor's prognosis looks good!
If my dark prediction rings true I will most definitely be able to cover live and in color the unveiling of the Denver Broncos for you. It will be an exposure though dudes. And barring any severe injuries for my heroes before the big Monday Night pantsing in the Rockies, it will probably be an indecent one at that. The Denver Broncos and their snot nosed brat coach Joshua McDaniels are an astounding 6 and o as I write this in the year of our lord 2009. How is this possible!? What is going on!? Who is doing this!? Is what you are asking. Well for the life of me, much like the rest of the blood thirsty, maggot eating vultures that call themselves the NFL nation, I cannot tell you bud. I mean they have a few unknown badasses on their underrated defense, but other than luck I do not have a logical reason as to how this travesty has come abaht.
Anyways, that don't matter now B, cuz Florida State just brought it within 5 before the start of the 4th quarter and I will be there for you, when, before a national audience on cable television and illegal worldwide internet streams, the heroic and mighty Pittsburgh Steelers show the world what Denver is actually packin'. They say numbers don't lie but I have a sneaking suspicion that whomever made that statement first, had a miserable little pecker. Ah yes, it will be a truly vicious and undoubtedly unrewarding assignment, but I will of course be there for you.
Even though this evening looks surely to be going to be a gut wrenching, teeth grinding, drag aht, knock 'em dahn slobberknocker; my confidence shall not stagger. Only for the sheer reason that it is not acceptable in the pursuit of victory. It cannot be tolerated. And you can trust that it won't. As long as it is close of course. In terms of sport, that means if the Yankees go dahn any more than 4 again, I am probably screwed. And for the State school in Florida, a deficit increase by any more than 2 scores will surely break my back on this bloody evening.
Unlike our nobel President, who faces a key moment in the legacy that he will leave as the unfortunate soul who took the hurlers from Big Texas Oil off the mound. Now coming in for relief! From Wall Street, by way of Corrupt Chicago Real Estate, Barack Obama! Obama!
Obama will not show he has lost. He most definitely can't. Too much at stake for some folks who are more sick and depraved in their gambling habits than me or you. It's virtually not even his decision to make. But in reality it is. But that reality is not somewhere this hypnotic lawyer lives. He has his own that he shares with his financially polarizing cohorts. The world of big business. Somewhere that makes betting the mortgage on the Yankees to clinch look like a wager made on a public basketball court in Venice Beach. These are REAL gambling addicts B. It's a sick life to live as a business man.
Why do you think Obama dresses like he does? He's not an every man. He's a business man. All the world's indeed a stage and he dresses the part. He has business interests at heart. So don't go thinking any of that money is going towards you going to the doc bozo.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! watch aht nah Bud, you're dahn in this baseball game and you're football match has a huge 3rd and medium comin' up. Off the politics and focus man!
Sha Sha. Seminole stop. Carolina settles for 3. Touchdahn wins it. Better set the fruitcup baby bro's Mac dahn and put some attention in. It's been real. Remember; don't lose confidence! You will win. Anything less than victory is unacceptable. Aht.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Hallelujah Holler Back
As I am scoffing at the 'Stache for allowing Stull to throw to the Polish Power with an 11 point lead in the red zone, thought's of BCS glory refuse to escape my head. The Big East is a power. Get it through your feeble little skulls. And with Pitt sitting in the thrown, the Big East wields the mightiest sword.
Now back from my brief, yet frequent haze of homeboy fever.
But when I do take a long hard look at the lack of attention the Fightin' Nordies get, I can only blame one group of inadequate and underachieving jag offs; and those are the Panther Pundits.
You are the source of all their, er, our problems.
There is no big fight feel on a Friday night before a Panther Prowl down to the North Shore. The lack of blind allegiance is also quite disturbing. And where are the hell are the innocuous traditions? There's no extended chanting or battle cries echoing from the Frick building to Mt. Warshington. No face painting or body altering. Never have I seen a tattoo of the original Pitt script on the bicep of a 'roided out English Lit major. Or even in the tramp stamp region of one of the pleasantly plump co-eds.
All I am saying is that if you want the attention you gotta ask for it. And not with a raised hand. That is NOT how things are done around here, as you may have noticed.
Roast a living animal. Sacrifice a graduate assistant from a rival school. Get noticed. If they can do it in the south there's no reason we can't do it in the City of Champions.
No more excuses. It's the only way we're going to get that mano e mano showdown with those bastards who stole Joe Namath from us oh so many years ago. We owe that generation at least that much.
Piss on me and call me Saphire! I just lifted my head up and see our boys are up 25. That's a cover. Well at least the 'Stache is doing his part. Let's help him aht a bit, eh? Homework........
After class this week, randomly start a Genac genee Allegenablahblah chant on Forbes or Fifth, or wherever you are. Act like a fucking loon. Stir it up. I can't win any money with us playing on Friday nights anymore. Time for primetime. It's up to you!
Good talk see ya aht there.
Now back from my brief, yet frequent haze of homeboy fever.
But when I do take a long hard look at the lack of attention the Fightin' Nordies get, I can only blame one group of inadequate and underachieving jag offs; and those are the Panther Pundits.
You are the source of all their, er, our problems.
There is no big fight feel on a Friday night before a Panther Prowl down to the North Shore. The lack of blind allegiance is also quite disturbing. And where are the hell are the innocuous traditions? There's no extended chanting or battle cries echoing from the Frick building to Mt. Warshington. No face painting or body altering. Never have I seen a tattoo of the original Pitt script on the bicep of a 'roided out English Lit major. Or even in the tramp stamp region of one of the pleasantly plump co-eds.
All I am saying is that if you want the attention you gotta ask for it. And not with a raised hand. That is NOT how things are done around here, as you may have noticed.
Roast a living animal. Sacrifice a graduate assistant from a rival school. Get noticed. If they can do it in the south there's no reason we can't do it in the City of Champions.
No more excuses. It's the only way we're going to get that mano e mano showdown with those bastards who stole Joe Namath from us oh so many years ago. We owe that generation at least that much.
Piss on me and call me Saphire! I just lifted my head up and see our boys are up 25. That's a cover. Well at least the 'Stache is doing his part. Let's help him aht a bit, eh? Homework........
After class this week, randomly start a Genac genee Allegenablahblah chant on Forbes or Fifth, or wherever you are. Act like a fucking loon. Stir it up. I can't win any money with us playing on Friday nights anymore. Time for primetime. It's up to you!
Good talk see ya aht there.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Memoirs of a Manwich: Week 2 and How to Chief for Free
Skippy! Skippy! Skippy!Although he's no Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr, Jeff Reed forced Yinzers to put the shot glass down and sit in bitter sobriety as he missed two potential game winning field golds at cold and wet Soldier Field.
Making the rounds on the internets, I've noticed that some of the respected news and rumor sources, have made an attempt to appeal to the lowest common towel waving halushki consumer.
The Headline on profootballtalk.com, a site created by a Western PA lawyer, reads:
WILL THE STEELERS PUT JEFF REED ON A SHORT LEASH?
Now I understand these headlines that Mike Florio puts up need to generate interest for his new NBC boss's, and appealing to angry Yinzers is of course the wise and logical tactic.
Howeva!
I will contend, that the Yinzers Florio and crew think they know, have evolved. This ain't Philly son.
Jeff Reed did miss 38 and 43 yard field goals. They did go wide left and they would have most likely have resulted in victory for the Black and Gold. He blew it indeed! No less than a week after a clutch kick in OT too. So goes life as a kicker.
Sports talkers from Cranberry to Wroclaw will not panic though. Florio and his masters expect us to, but we're smarter than that. Why? Well first off, we know how special Skippy is. Contrary to the years of marijuana and whiskey abuse, Yinzer Universe has a fantastic memory; and they remember that prior to when Reed came in, the Steelers were being sabotaged from within by suspected Cleveland Browns operative Kris Brown.
Skippy shit the bed, but San Antonio Homos droppin' balls didn't help. Cutler feeling like 1999 Kurt Warner with Orlando Pace giving him days to whizz the ball to studs like Johnny Knox and Devin Aromashadu didn't help either.
As a certain aviator wearing bad ass would tell you, "We play all 60 minutes as one unit, and the play of one individual does not reflect what we do as a group; we respect that."
Fact is Florio, you're evil Jedi Mind Tricks to stir up the shit in Da Burgh will not work. Not anymore. There is a reason why we are the city of champions. In order to obtain victory a city must let it's coaches coach, which, as you can see by the glow from the trophy cases on the Southside, is what we do here.
Yinzer Universe will not panic. Reed blew this one, but we know he can make the kicks. We will chalk this one up to some circumstances that were not to our maximum benefit, move on, and go to work. We respect the weather conditions, and the ability of the Bears to keep themselves in the game even though they were outmatched talent wise. Panic is for losers. Coffee is for closers. Skippy will get his Venti Frapaccino, don't trip.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Stan, Guy, Love the Show!
Not!
As we are in the midst of arguably the greatest era in the annals of Pittsburgh Sports, we are simultaneously experiencing a Great Depression as Pittsburgh Sports Talkers.
Maybe that's how goes it. We swap quality on our airwaves for quality on the field and ice.
In '06 after the prophet, savior, and voice and choice of our generation; one Mr. Mark Madden, had his inevitable heart attack, coincidentally, our town tasted victory for the first time in many many years.
Then last year, after the suits finally caved in to the jagoff advertisers and fired the Super Genius for comments made about former alcoholic Senator and Billy Mays' newest roommate Ted Kennedy; Yinzer Universe saw it's best year since '79.
I'm not trying to come up with conspiracy theories here, I just want to point out the fact that while we are loving our lives with the success of the Steelers, Pens, Pitt hoops, and the Passion; we are being inundated with written and spoken diarrhea in our local media.
Our voice has been exiled to a rock n' roll radio station, where we are forced to hear Creed and Nickelback in between the shortened takes Mr. Madden bestows upon us.
The truth hath been hijacked.
Having to dig through evangelical christian rock just to get a sane opinion is a bitch slap in the face of all serious Pittsburgh Sports Talkers and we mustn't stand for it.
It has always been tough to get competence in the 412 when it comes to our media members. For every Ed Bouchette, there's a Bob Smizik, Ron Cook, and Gerry Dulac. We are graced by legends on the radio like Double M and Myron Cope; yet they are only on for a limited time, while the rest of the day we must hear from jokes like Eddie Crow, posers like Joe Bendel, and snoozers like Stan and Guy.
If we are going to hold our clubs to such high standards, it is only right to hold those who are lucky enough to report and speak about them in our media to an equal standard. While we still thrive in play-by-play and color categories for all teams(once again excluding the Buccos), our newspapers and radio shows need an overhaul.
Until then here are some alternative strategies........
-Go to mondesishouse.blogspot.com. By far the most trustworthy, honest, and all inclusive site for all things Yinzer.
-Boycott ESPN 1250. ESPN networks, nationwide, refuse to place any non-robotic, non-ass kisser, non-corporate swine on their airwaves. They own the media.......DON"T LET THEM OWN YOU!
-Comb through the information super highway. Search for some truth online, it's our last refuge.
-Call in to Fox Sports Shows and demand them to put quality talent on-air. Threaten them. They know they can't compete with ESPN, they will do anything to catch up; they are whores. Say that Joe Bendel and those other bums are not the quality you expect from such an established organization. Demand personalities, the city is full of 'em.
-Write letters to the editors of the Trib and Post Gazette saying that you have read for years and have grown tired of the stale writing in the sports columns. Ask for fresh takes. Make sure to praise the finest football writer in America though. Ed Bouchette having to share a page with Bob Smizik is a disgrace.
Change won't come until we make it happen.
***********************************Save Us******************************************
As we are in the midst of arguably the greatest era in the annals of Pittsburgh Sports, we are simultaneously experiencing a Great Depression as Pittsburgh Sports Talkers.
Maybe that's how goes it. We swap quality on our airwaves for quality on the field and ice.
In '06 after the prophet, savior, and voice and choice of our generation; one Mr. Mark Madden, had his inevitable heart attack, coincidentally, our town tasted victory for the first time in many many years.
Then last year, after the suits finally caved in to the jagoff advertisers and fired the Super Genius for comments made about former alcoholic Senator and Billy Mays' newest roommate Ted Kennedy; Yinzer Universe saw it's best year since '79.
I'm not trying to come up with conspiracy theories here, I just want to point out the fact that while we are loving our lives with the success of the Steelers, Pens, Pitt hoops, and the Passion; we are being inundated with written and spoken diarrhea in our local media.
Our voice has been exiled to a rock n' roll radio station, where we are forced to hear Creed and Nickelback in between the shortened takes Mr. Madden bestows upon us.
The truth hath been hijacked.
Having to dig through evangelical christian rock just to get a sane opinion is a bitch slap in the face of all serious Pittsburgh Sports Talkers and we mustn't stand for it.
It has always been tough to get competence in the 412 when it comes to our media members. For every Ed Bouchette, there's a Bob Smizik, Ron Cook, and Gerry Dulac. We are graced by legends on the radio like Double M and Myron Cope; yet they are only on for a limited time, while the rest of the day we must hear from jokes like Eddie Crow, posers like Joe Bendel, and snoozers like Stan and Guy.
If we are going to hold our clubs to such high standards, it is only right to hold those who are lucky enough to report and speak about them in our media to an equal standard. While we still thrive in play-by-play and color categories for all teams(once again excluding the Buccos), our newspapers and radio shows need an overhaul.
Until then here are some alternative strategies........
-Go to mondesishouse.blogspot.com. By far the most trustworthy, honest, and all inclusive site for all things Yinzer.
-Boycott ESPN 1250. ESPN networks, nationwide, refuse to place any non-robotic, non-ass kisser, non-corporate swine on their airwaves. They own the media.......DON"T LET THEM OWN YOU!
-Comb through the information super highway. Search for some truth online, it's our last refuge.
-Call in to Fox Sports Shows and demand them to put quality talent on-air. Threaten them. They know they can't compete with ESPN, they will do anything to catch up; they are whores. Say that Joe Bendel and those other bums are not the quality you expect from such an established organization. Demand personalities, the city is full of 'em.
-Write letters to the editors of the Trib and Post Gazette saying that you have read for years and have grown tired of the stale writing in the sports columns. Ask for fresh takes. Make sure to praise the finest football writer in America though. Ed Bouchette having to share a page with Bob Smizik is a disgrace.
Change won't come until we make it happen.
***********************************Save Us******************************************
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Almost as good as Winning the Super Bowl
Ron Mexico got picked up by the Philadelphia Eagles.
This development, I must say, has the potential to put the kind of grin on my face that is so wide it hurts. The kind of smile usually reserved for Kings and a 28 year old getting laid for the first time.
If this "experiment" pans out, then the entire Eagles "organization" will cave like the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl.
We all know it's coming. First the alienation of one Donavan F. McNabb. McNabb will try to take it in stride. Say he's glad Vick's on his team, and that he's another weapon for them to utilize. He will of course be clenching his butt cheeks while saying this to Suzy Kolber, holding in the anger and feelings of betrayal. Even though he's never won anything, McNabb has that right, because he knows the golden rule.....If you have 2 starting quarterbacks, then you have no starting quarterbacks.
Donavan's resentment resonates onto the field. Eventually the calls for Vick drive him out of town; but before Vick can step in, McNabb, having made various connections over the years in Philly, has Vick "taken care of."
Vick, preparing to take the starting role, gets cozy in the Philly burbs', and sets up shop. Vick realizes that he's in Westchester, where dog fighting is non-existent, so he gets the idea that he can get some of his boys some extra dough by funding some fights. Luring in the big spenders from the tri-state area, Vick makes his boys exuberant amounts of cash and all is gravy. But then Vick's boys, having the security to cut their thuggish ruggish bond with their financer, rat Vick's ass out after McNabb pays them off in free cheese steaks for life after negotiating a deal with Pat's and Geno's.
Vick goes back to the big house and McNabb is exiled to a suck town, maybe somewhere like Oakland, or even worse...... Cleveland!
After the great McNabb-Vick screw job, Philly is left with Kevin Kolb at QB and Andy Reid has gained 80 lbs and one of his sons is charged with intent to sell crack cocaine to a one-legged post op transvestite/Vietnam Vet.
Reid is eventually fired. Shady McCoy says fuck this place and leaves for greener pastures. And Philadelphia is left stranded with nothing again. The status quo is safe once again. And Philly begins to collectively boo and boo and boo some more. The sound of the boos will be so loud and profound that Pittsburghers will hear them, reminding them that they are the true lords of the manor, rulers of the land, and champions of the Keystone State. It's gonna be great! I can't wait!
This development, I must say, has the potential to put the kind of grin on my face that is so wide it hurts. The kind of smile usually reserved for Kings and a 28 year old getting laid for the first time.
If this "experiment" pans out, then the entire Eagles "organization" will cave like the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl.
We all know it's coming. First the alienation of one Donavan F. McNabb. McNabb will try to take it in stride. Say he's glad Vick's on his team, and that he's another weapon for them to utilize. He will of course be clenching his butt cheeks while saying this to Suzy Kolber, holding in the anger and feelings of betrayal. Even though he's never won anything, McNabb has that right, because he knows the golden rule.....If you have 2 starting quarterbacks, then you have no starting quarterbacks.
Donavan's resentment resonates onto the field. Eventually the calls for Vick drive him out of town; but before Vick can step in, McNabb, having made various connections over the years in Philly, has Vick "taken care of."
Vick, preparing to take the starting role, gets cozy in the Philly burbs', and sets up shop. Vick realizes that he's in Westchester, where dog fighting is non-existent, so he gets the idea that he can get some of his boys some extra dough by funding some fights. Luring in the big spenders from the tri-state area, Vick makes his boys exuberant amounts of cash and all is gravy. But then Vick's boys, having the security to cut their thuggish ruggish bond with their financer, rat Vick's ass out after McNabb pays them off in free cheese steaks for life after negotiating a deal with Pat's and Geno's.
Vick goes back to the big house and McNabb is exiled to a suck town, maybe somewhere like Oakland, or even worse...... Cleveland!
After the great McNabb-Vick screw job, Philly is left with Kevin Kolb at QB and Andy Reid has gained 80 lbs and one of his sons is charged with intent to sell crack cocaine to a one-legged post op transvestite/Vietnam Vet.
Reid is eventually fired. Shady McCoy says fuck this place and leaves for greener pastures. And Philadelphia is left stranded with nothing again. The status quo is safe once again. And Philly begins to collectively boo and boo and boo some more. The sound of the boos will be so loud and profound that Pittsburghers will hear them, reminding them that they are the true lords of the manor, rulers of the land, and champions of the Keystone State. It's gonna be great! I can't wait!
Monday, August 10, 2009
What is going on? Who is doing this?
Well…well…well…
The sleeping giant has woken.
Today was the
Now for the important stuff, what can we expect from our boys this year? During the Big East media day, representatives TE Nate Byham, DE Greg “I get more white women than you” Romeus, and Murrysivlle’s favorite son RG John Malecki accepted the award of being ranked number 1 in the Big East preseason poll. Well isn’t that a load of horseshit. Take a gander at this poll:
Rank Team Points
1.
2.
3.
4. USF (3) 130
5.
6.
7.
8.
Who the hell votes for this shit? Football beat writers don’t even have a vote. Casual observers like Ron Cook and Bob Smizek that can’t even name 10 guys on half the teams cast blind votes based on bowl game performances and returning quarterbacks. Some people, such as coaches, know who they’re voting for but these others clowns don’t have a clue and are trying to satisfy their agenda. Satisfy this. This league will not be that competitive. The way things look now, Pitt will roll through conference, but we’ll save predictions to just prior to week 1.
Training camp starts tomorrow but officially doesn’t start till this weekend because of the NCAA enforcing these “no pads” pansy ass rules. Let’s face it, these kids are here to play football and goddamn it they should play. Why, oh why, can these kids only practice 2 hours per day in shorts and t-shirts? They certainly are not going to library...to study.
For practice reports, you can read Kevin Gorman’s blog at tribunereview.com, Paul Zeise and pittsburghpostgazette.com, rivals.com, and scout.com, but if you want the real spin, read The Daily Blumpkin.
Too many questions Mr. Wayne…too many questions.
There’s a lot of fuss coming into this camp primarily due to a poor performance during a meaningless game on new years eve. The truth is that there are some bad mamajamas on this team and some fools are going to get whooped. RT Lucas Nix is meaner than deep fried alligator tail, FB Henry Hynoski resembles pickup truck from Edinboro, and DT Mick Williams may kill someone.
Quarterback is obviously the concern on everybody’s mind and rightfully so. Some of you may be looking at the quarterback situation and asking yourselves, what does Wannstedt see in this kid? Billy Stull played good enough last year before an injury derailed his season. If Stull can’t return to form from before he got wrecked against Rutgers,
As far as I’m concerned, the defense is going to hurt people and the new offensive coordinator may make all the difference. The bottom line is that the wolf pack, the church, usf bulls, bearcats, and hoople heads better be ready or they’re going to get blasted. I suggest everyone sit back, crack open a Just Coors, and get yourself a few of Mrs. Russo’s meatballs because this season will be
Monday, August 3, 2009
The War of Plunder
The economy sucks.
People have no health care.
Banks boasting huge quarterly profits in wake of being handed money before they failed at Bank life.
Business as usual in America.
The ignorance of the public is pretty laughable. Arguing complaining, wondering what the fuck is happening as they gaze around like a child lost and without a clue, looking for mommy in the dark movie theater. All of this as the facts, the history, the evidence as to why so many of them are getting screwed is there and very plain to see.
Can't shit on proverbs either man. It's pretty obvious to see that ignorance truly is bliss.
The public loves them some goddamn ignorance man. Can't get enough. Like Coke, football, and porno, it's an American staple.
So we let a small group of greedy jagoffs take the money we don't have out of our pockets to "save" their companies. Meanwhile, they give each other bonuses for doing such a good job at giving that triumphant assfuck to the people's collective cornhole.
While few try to take action, the rest of the humanoids shut up and let it go by the wayside while they go on with life. The do walk a little funny now however do to the constant poop shoot pounding they've been receiving.
Even with the peg legged sailor limp, the public won't question the dicks who are screwing them.
Why? Why are they just letting this happen. Who wants to see the rich get richer while the poor get poorer? Haven't wars broke out because of shit like that? Didn't a dude in England used to steal from castles and prance into the forest with rich people's goods to help out people in this situation? Why isn't anyone stepping up? Are the public a bunch of pussies? Are they assholes?
The answer is: A little bit of both.
As they famously claim and allude to in Team America: World Police, the public is a collection of assholes and pussies.
Assholes who smoke ignorance blunts all day everyday. It's what they do! Sticking to their guns and saying fuck the rest. Most of these assholes are brainwashed humanoids who can't think for themselves. These are the worst kinds of assholes. As opposed to the more genuine and honest assholes. People who are openly selfish, lazy, hateful, and just not pleasant to be near.
I can deal with these assholes. I respect their honesty and the clear line they mark in the sand between themselves and the ones who didn't have a little kid pee in their gene pool. At least these assholes make it so we know who to avoid and pay no attention to.
Those other assholes, the brainwashed ones allowing themselves to sit on the sidelines and be force fed shit until they poop out double doses of shit, filling the pipes up with more shit than it can take; causing the system to back up and spray shit back out at us, making it impossible to flush, leaving the rest of us with excess shit to smell and look at as it just lies there in all its fecal glory.
These assholes suck because they show signs of hope but eventually fall in line with the other assholes. Their brains are canvases that appear to be clear and ready to be turned into works of art, but before we can touch it with the brush, like chimps during play time on a hot summer day, the other assholes run up to them and throw their own feces all over the beautifully plain canvas; killing the would be masterpiece, turning it into a shit show. Those are the throw aways. The ones worth jack shit. Not even shitty enough to be considered avant garde or kiche ; but just plain old shit.
Hard to determine who should be loathed by the sane; those assholes or the pussies. Not the good pussies with the landing strip and the cute little pink labes dangling so elegant and free. I'm talking about the hairy beasts that spread tuna stench and chlamydia everywhere. Wimps, wussies, and paranoid schizo's run amok in country. The complete pussification of our once great society has left the younger generations crippled by over-protection and and the mass confusion that the PC era has spread throughout the land like a California wild fire.
Unlike assholes however, pussies can be saved. The cure? Anarchy. Rage. Anger. Some say a dangerous path to take; but like a surgeon performing a risky operation on a cancer patient with a minuscule chance at survival, these are the only options for a full recovery. And so I excite this upon my loyal pussy readers......
Go to the hill, the plan, or the gated community where your local richers live and knock on the door and ask them if you can have a conversation about the state of current shit. If they let you in, ask them what they do for living, how they maintain their lifestyle. Make sure to identify all religious and social affiliations. Get a sense of what it is like for them. Try and be civilized and get to know how these humanoids.
If they decline, make sure you ate a lot of broccoli before you left the pad and take a steamy shit in their driveway.
There's your Blumpkin. Might want to make a courtesy flush after that log rolls down there.
People have no health care.
Banks boasting huge quarterly profits in wake of being handed money before they failed at Bank life.
Business as usual in America.
The ignorance of the public is pretty laughable. Arguing complaining, wondering what the fuck is happening as they gaze around like a child lost and without a clue, looking for mommy in the dark movie theater. All of this as the facts, the history, the evidence as to why so many of them are getting screwed is there and very plain to see.
Can't shit on proverbs either man. It's pretty obvious to see that ignorance truly is bliss.
The public loves them some goddamn ignorance man. Can't get enough. Like Coke, football, and porno, it's an American staple.
So we let a small group of greedy jagoffs take the money we don't have out of our pockets to "save" their companies. Meanwhile, they give each other bonuses for doing such a good job at giving that triumphant assfuck to the people's collective cornhole.
While few try to take action, the rest of the humanoids shut up and let it go by the wayside while they go on with life. The do walk a little funny now however do to the constant poop shoot pounding they've been receiving.
Even with the peg legged sailor limp, the public won't question the dicks who are screwing them.
Why? Why are they just letting this happen. Who wants to see the rich get richer while the poor get poorer? Haven't wars broke out because of shit like that? Didn't a dude in England used to steal from castles and prance into the forest with rich people's goods to help out people in this situation? Why isn't anyone stepping up? Are the public a bunch of pussies? Are they assholes?
The answer is: A little bit of both.
As they famously claim and allude to in Team America: World Police, the public is a collection of assholes and pussies.
Assholes who smoke ignorance blunts all day everyday. It's what they do! Sticking to their guns and saying fuck the rest. Most of these assholes are brainwashed humanoids who can't think for themselves. These are the worst kinds of assholes. As opposed to the more genuine and honest assholes. People who are openly selfish, lazy, hateful, and just not pleasant to be near.
I can deal with these assholes. I respect their honesty and the clear line they mark in the sand between themselves and the ones who didn't have a little kid pee in their gene pool. At least these assholes make it so we know who to avoid and pay no attention to.
Those other assholes, the brainwashed ones allowing themselves to sit on the sidelines and be force fed shit until they poop out double doses of shit, filling the pipes up with more shit than it can take; causing the system to back up and spray shit back out at us, making it impossible to flush, leaving the rest of us with excess shit to smell and look at as it just lies there in all its fecal glory.
These assholes suck because they show signs of hope but eventually fall in line with the other assholes. Their brains are canvases that appear to be clear and ready to be turned into works of art, but before we can touch it with the brush, like chimps during play time on a hot summer day, the other assholes run up to them and throw their own feces all over the beautifully plain canvas; killing the would be masterpiece, turning it into a shit show. Those are the throw aways. The ones worth jack shit. Not even shitty enough to be considered avant garde or kiche ; but just plain old shit.
Hard to determine who should be loathed by the sane; those assholes or the pussies. Not the good pussies with the landing strip and the cute little pink labes dangling so elegant and free. I'm talking about the hairy beasts that spread tuna stench and chlamydia everywhere. Wimps, wussies, and paranoid schizo's run amok in country. The complete pussification of our once great society has left the younger generations crippled by over-protection and and the mass confusion that the PC era has spread throughout the land like a California wild fire.
Unlike assholes however, pussies can be saved. The cure? Anarchy. Rage. Anger. Some say a dangerous path to take; but like a surgeon performing a risky operation on a cancer patient with a minuscule chance at survival, these are the only options for a full recovery. And so I excite this upon my loyal pussy readers......
Go to the hill, the plan, or the gated community where your local richers live and knock on the door and ask them if you can have a conversation about the state of current shit. If they let you in, ask them what they do for living, how they maintain their lifestyle. Make sure to identify all religious and social affiliations. Get a sense of what it is like for them. Try and be civilized and get to know how these humanoids.
If they decline, make sure you ate a lot of broccoli before you left the pad and take a steamy shit in their driveway.
There's your Blumpkin. Might want to make a courtesy flush after that log rolls down there.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Extra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-You're Major League Baseball trade deadline has come and gone. Let's look at the winners and losers......
Winners: The teams with all the money.
Losers: The teams whose rosters are raped and pillaged by the teams with money.
Baseball.....what a delightfully ironic microcosm of how the world works.
-Redneck in Scranton proclaims: "If your in America and can't speak English, get the fuck out!"
Hughstown, PA bigot, freedom of speech advocate, and foo manchu enthusiast Joseph Decker, was arrested in November for having this sign on the back of his pickup, and is now suing the town that violated his rights.
Horrible whenever someone's freedom of speech is threatened. Give these Hughstown coppers the benefit of the doubt and subscribe to the belief that they pulled Mr. Decker over, not for being offensive, but for being an ignorant prick with the grammar of someone who might live in Hughstown, Pennsylvania!
Yes it is true, that headline reads correct! The hooplehead's boisterous claim in favor of his beloved native tongue, failed to recognize some simple rules within the language he holds so dear.
Naturally after "my smart-alec wop lawyer said it wasn't proper grammar," Mr. Decker changed his sign, not only to be less offensive (he placed symbols within the "Fuck" word) but he did indeed correct his mistake and changed the "your" into "you're."
Think of it this way Spanish, Korean, and Swahili speakers; all you really need to live in Joe Decker's America is the same knowledge of the English language as someone who shits themselves regularly and is really into the Backyardigans. Get your shit together and pick up some books. I suggest Everybody Poops by Taro Gomi. You should be able to get Mr. Decker's view on the sanctity of the English language.
Joe Decker,
Although I find your views poppycock, I will fight 'til the death for your right to express them.
And now a return to innocence.
Hi oh ay ay ay ay ay. Oh ay ay ay ayeeeahahaha oh ay hee ay hee aha. Oh ayeeeay ah!
Grab a saw. Grab yourself. A man should have a talent his hands.
There's your blumpkin. Flush that two!
-You're Major League Baseball trade deadline has come and gone. Let's look at the winners and losers......
Winners: The teams with all the money.
Losers: The teams whose rosters are raped and pillaged by the teams with money.
Baseball.....what a delightfully ironic microcosm of how the world works.
-Redneck in Scranton proclaims: "If your in America and can't speak English, get the fuck out!"
Hughstown, PA bigot, freedom of speech advocate, and foo manchu enthusiast Joseph Decker, was arrested in November for having this sign on the back of his pickup, and is now suing the town that violated his rights.
Horrible whenever someone's freedom of speech is threatened. Give these Hughstown coppers the benefit of the doubt and subscribe to the belief that they pulled Mr. Decker over, not for being offensive, but for being an ignorant prick with the grammar of someone who might live in Hughstown, Pennsylvania!
Yes it is true, that headline reads correct! The hooplehead's boisterous claim in favor of his beloved native tongue, failed to recognize some simple rules within the language he holds so dear.
Naturally after "my smart-alec wop lawyer said it wasn't proper grammar," Mr. Decker changed his sign, not only to be less offensive (he placed symbols within the "Fuck" word) but he did indeed correct his mistake and changed the "your" into "you're."
Think of it this way Spanish, Korean, and Swahili speakers; all you really need to live in Joe Decker's America is the same knowledge of the English language as someone who shits themselves regularly and is really into the Backyardigans. Get your shit together and pick up some books. I suggest Everybody Poops by Taro Gomi. You should be able to get Mr. Decker's view on the sanctity of the English language.
Joe Decker,
Although I find your views poppycock, I will fight 'til the death for your right to express them.
And now a return to innocence.
Hi oh ay ay ay ay ay. Oh ay ay ay ayeeeahahaha oh ay hee ay hee aha. Oh ayeeeay ah!
Grab a saw. Grab yourself. A man should have a talent his hands.
There's your blumpkin. Flush that two!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Some Headlines!.........
-Barack meets with Mr. Crowley and the Black Professor over a beer.
-The Honduran coup government still refuses to allow former Prez Manny Zelaya back into the country.
-The major media networks refuse to voice the opinions of single payer Health Care advocates.
And Finally.......
-It has been leaked by the New York Times that Mannywood and his former teammate Big Papi David Ortiz are 2 more names from the list of players who tested postive for 'roids in 2003
In related news.....
The Pope is Catholic, little girls love the Jonas Brothers, and Fox News leans right.
Anyone who posted on their Facebook or Twitter that they were surprised when they heard Big Papi did steroids should be given a certificate of authendoucheity. If you posted "Why Papi Why?" you had to be doing it tongue in cheek or you're a grade A, top choice bozo.
In the most obvious blurb of news since it was revealed Liberace was gay, Red Sux nation was finally given a swift kick in the nuts by the Karma Chameleon.
So much for that red golden dream.
Doesn't it give us all hope knowing that the purest form of evil in the modern sports world eventually got what was coming to it?
For the better part of this decade we have sat back and taken it up the ass by Tom Brady, Paul Pierce, Big Papi, and Boston fan. All while these lifelong losers finally took the brass ring. Centuries of futility erased in a flash. All of a sudden a "Nation" of winners was born.
Did you think you'd get away with it Bob Ryan? Were we really not going to figure it out Ben Affleck? You honestly believed we were that dumb Steven Tyler?
Boston fan couldn't take the bullying anymore. They needed a way out of the swirlies New York and L.A. were giving them. But what could they do?
Putting old fashioned hard work and elbow grease by the wayside, Beantown began to think outside the box.
As the stench of failure flowed through New England, and the pressure to win reached a boiling point, things began to happen......
A corrupt referee was regulating the courts of the NBA.
Steroid use became even more accessible and effiicient in baseball.
Videotaping technology became advanced and useful enough to give an upper hand to those with the cahones to utilize it.
What happens next? Championships are won. Heroes are born. The City of Losers turned itself into the City of Champions. And with the rings and a heavyweight media machine backing them up who was to argue?
As time goes by Boston fan is learning that these beloved years of sports prosperity that they have enjoyed are all a farce, a sham, a bamboozlement. Just like a poor boy growing up in the boondocks, the anguish and uncertainty led them down the wrong path.
It became to hard for Beantown. They took the easy way out. It would have been all gravy if they had gotten away with it. But they left a paper trail. It was all too good to be true.
You stole victory Boston; like a thief in the night. You're a loser. You knew it all along. And now, the world knows it. Cities have roles. Some win. Some lose. You had to learn the hard way what yours is.
There's your blumpkin. Don't forget to throw those rings in the bowl before you flush!
-Barack meets with Mr. Crowley and the Black Professor over a beer.
-The Honduran coup government still refuses to allow former Prez Manny Zelaya back into the country.
-The major media networks refuse to voice the opinions of single payer Health Care advocates.
And Finally.......
-It has been leaked by the New York Times that Mannywood and his former teammate Big Papi David Ortiz are 2 more names from the list of players who tested postive for 'roids in 2003
In related news.....
The Pope is Catholic, little girls love the Jonas Brothers, and Fox News leans right.
Anyone who posted on their Facebook or Twitter that they were surprised when they heard Big Papi did steroids should be given a certificate of authendoucheity. If you posted "Why Papi Why?" you had to be doing it tongue in cheek or you're a grade A, top choice bozo.
In the most obvious blurb of news since it was revealed Liberace was gay, Red Sux nation was finally given a swift kick in the nuts by the Karma Chameleon.
So much for that red golden dream.
Doesn't it give us all hope knowing that the purest form of evil in the modern sports world eventually got what was coming to it?
For the better part of this decade we have sat back and taken it up the ass by Tom Brady, Paul Pierce, Big Papi, and Boston fan. All while these lifelong losers finally took the brass ring. Centuries of futility erased in a flash. All of a sudden a "Nation" of winners was born.
Did you think you'd get away with it Bob Ryan? Were we really not going to figure it out Ben Affleck? You honestly believed we were that dumb Steven Tyler?
Boston fan couldn't take the bullying anymore. They needed a way out of the swirlies New York and L.A. were giving them. But what could they do?
Putting old fashioned hard work and elbow grease by the wayside, Beantown began to think outside the box.
As the stench of failure flowed through New England, and the pressure to win reached a boiling point, things began to happen......
A corrupt referee was regulating the courts of the NBA.
Steroid use became even more accessible and effiicient in baseball.
Videotaping technology became advanced and useful enough to give an upper hand to those with the cahones to utilize it.
What happens next? Championships are won. Heroes are born. The City of Losers turned itself into the City of Champions. And with the rings and a heavyweight media machine backing them up who was to argue?
As time goes by Boston fan is learning that these beloved years of sports prosperity that they have enjoyed are all a farce, a sham, a bamboozlement. Just like a poor boy growing up in the boondocks, the anguish and uncertainty led them down the wrong path.
It became to hard for Beantown. They took the easy way out. It would have been all gravy if they had gotten away with it. But they left a paper trail. It was all too good to be true.
You stole victory Boston; like a thief in the night. You're a loser. You knew it all along. And now, the world knows it. Cities have roles. Some win. Some lose. You had to learn the hard way what yours is.
There's your blumpkin. Don't forget to throw those rings in the bowl before you flush!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Seek and Deport....We're comin' for you Jose!
Rednecks love to hunt don't they?
Deer, swine, rabbits, rodents; you name it they'll tag 'em and bag 'em!
Well, it looks like they've been given some more game. And by none other than that colored fella that's been pissing them off so much, President Barack Obama.
BO's Homeland Security Secretary, former Arizona Gov. and reigning Flagstaff Local 244 Arm Wrestling Tournament champion Janet Napolitano, has made a monumental decision to expand a program called 287 (g), pertaining to the powers of local law enforcement in dealing with illegal immigration.
287 (g)'s expansion is awesome news for hunters and racists alike! It gives local "enforcers of the law" the ability to gain the same powers as their Federal fuck buddies, in arresting and detaining fence jumpers. Homeland Security will now be making agreements with your local piggly wigglies giving them the go ahead to racially profile and seek out immigrants even without suspicion of a crime.
"Ya hear that Merle?! Local fuzz get to hunt down spics! By golly I'm signin' up soon as my parole's up for that time I got caught jerkin' it to my cousin Sally at her confirmation!"
Now that people have been turned into game for our "protectors" to hunt down and since all you need to pass to become a cop is a drug test, I wouldn't be surprised to see all kinds of Billy Joe Bobby Deans and Bobby Bill Jimmy Franks run to their local Sheriff's office and join the force. Oh yes our friends at the border towns can finally disband their little posses and get down to it raw dog.
The ultimate hunt is on and poppin'! Good thing our best hunters will soon be on the prowl doing their patriotic duty for the rest of us.
It will require a keen sense of what the illegal's habits and tendencies are. This is why our most cultured individuals, the local baconators, are on the task.
"Alrighty now boys, it's time to save our homeland and protect America! Hell Yeah! Ok now fellas, be aware of all birthday parties being celebrated in the local park. You find any pinata smackers, you detain them and haul their ass in for questioning."
If shit goes down in La Ciudad like it apparently already has in Morristown, New Jersey we could be in big big trouble. Reportedly a man of the Italian persuasion was cruisin' with his ragtop down in Morristown, bumping some funky latin grooves when 5o asked him to show proof he wasn't an illegal. Astonished, the guido with a taste for bongos and horns pulled out his New jersey I.D. to appease the curious officers. This was an olive skinned spaghetti slurper! Imagine what's going to happen in L.A.! If you're even slightly tan I'd suggest staying far away from all pupuserias and soccer games.
Deer, swine, rabbits, rodents; you name it they'll tag 'em and bag 'em!
Well, it looks like they've been given some more game. And by none other than that colored fella that's been pissing them off so much, President Barack Obama.
BO's Homeland Security Secretary, former Arizona Gov. and reigning Flagstaff Local 244 Arm Wrestling Tournament champion Janet Napolitano, has made a monumental decision to expand a program called 287 (g), pertaining to the powers of local law enforcement in dealing with illegal immigration.
287 (g)'s expansion is awesome news for hunters and racists alike! It gives local "enforcers of the law" the ability to gain the same powers as their Federal fuck buddies, in arresting and detaining fence jumpers. Homeland Security will now be making agreements with your local piggly wigglies giving them the go ahead to racially profile and seek out immigrants even without suspicion of a crime.
"Ya hear that Merle?! Local fuzz get to hunt down spics! By golly I'm signin' up soon as my parole's up for that time I got caught jerkin' it to my cousin Sally at her confirmation!"
Now that people have been turned into game for our "protectors" to hunt down and since all you need to pass to become a cop is a drug test, I wouldn't be surprised to see all kinds of Billy Joe Bobby Deans and Bobby Bill Jimmy Franks run to their local Sheriff's office and join the force. Oh yes our friends at the border towns can finally disband their little posses and get down to it raw dog.
The ultimate hunt is on and poppin'! Good thing our best hunters will soon be on the prowl doing their patriotic duty for the rest of us.
It will require a keen sense of what the illegal's habits and tendencies are. This is why our most cultured individuals, the local baconators, are on the task.
"Alrighty now boys, it's time to save our homeland and protect America! Hell Yeah! Ok now fellas, be aware of all birthday parties being celebrated in the local park. You find any pinata smackers, you detain them and haul their ass in for questioning."
If shit goes down in La Ciudad like it apparently already has in Morristown, New Jersey we could be in big big trouble. Reportedly a man of the Italian persuasion was cruisin' with his ragtop down in Morristown, bumping some funky latin grooves when 5o asked him to show proof he wasn't an illegal. Astonished, the guido with a taste for bongos and horns pulled out his New jersey I.D. to appease the curious officers. This was an olive skinned spaghetti slurper! Imagine what's going to happen in L.A.! If you're even slightly tan I'd suggest staying far away from all pupuserias and soccer games.
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