Playoff Manifesto

As Nick Saban forced a smile and hoisted his newly won crystal ball, in the back of his mind he was thinking two things:

-Those fucks with the Gatorade are dead!

And…..

-Is that all there is to it?


Touching upon coach’s first thought first, that shower he received was more like a mugging, a douse and run, an assault and showering. The look on Saban’s face after he was accosted by the suspects, two African-American men in their early twenties; was worth the entire evening, even with the star of the show being knocked out before the party ever started. Talking heads were saying the morning after that Saban showed such little emotion after the shower because of the intensity and competitive drive within his heartless soul. I beg to differ. I surmise that coach kept a platypus face after his customary electrolyte bath because he, like most of America, knew that although his Alabama team had beaten a very worthy opponent, they were in no way a real champion. Coach Saban knew that the shower/mollywopping given to him by his players was not quite warranted.

That brings me to that second notion that struck through the Alabama miracle man’s noodle as he accepted the prize before a raucous Pasadena crowd. Is that all there is to it? That’s all that is required by the powers that be and the people to be recognized as the best? Even when there’s another team who beat more than worthy opponents on their way to an equally undefeated season?

When you think about it, besides a victory on a national stage, Nick Saban didn’t have much else to get giddy about. The trophy presentation was a farce,. He knew it. The 100,000 plus at the Rose Bowl and the millions watching at home knew it as well. Yet every single one of them accepted it.

Just as they accepted the government taking their money and handing it to bankers, the people allowed the BCS to take their trophy and hand it to the team they deemed fit to hoist it. There is no end to the atrocities that the people will allow corporate entities to get away with, no matter how violent, unfair, and evil they may be. I understood it when it happened with our money. Ok you got us, we hadn’t a clue what the fuck a credit default swap was. You pulled a fast one with that sub-prime mortgage bullshit; but when it happens in football, you are stepping way the fuck out of line!

Football is America. Call it an obsession, or an illness, or an addiction, whatever! It defines the very fabric that makes up an American. We can take this shit seriously. And you can get away with a lot of things. You can get away with tweaking the rules of the game to make it more ratings friendly, smear corporate feces all over the broadcasts, and even leave crippled ex-warriors without proper health care to nurse the copious nagging injuries that they have. But we the American people will be damned if you are going to take us for this ride without a proper and just climax! You already prevent us health care for pre-existing health conditions; if you think that you’re going to tease us like this any longer, then as a scantily clad bald British man told me once, "you got another thing comin'!"

I went to protest the evil BCS as tailgates and pre-game festivities took place, asking many Longhorn and Tide fans what they thought of the BCS. An overwhelming majority told me that they believed it was a tyrannical and unfair oligarchy. Yet when I asked them having said that, would they still feel like a champion after a victory at the 2010 BCS “national championship,” every single one of them said yes. Pussies.

So I will speak for the people here, because I am not mesmerized by the shiny crystal ball and I refuse to ignore the man behind the curtain. Unlike the Alabama and Texas fans whom I surveyed, I will not consider any of your “so-called champions” to be champions. Once we add our beloved playoff, all of your “champs” will have a big fat asterisk by it. The tyranny and the bullshit is over! Down with the BCS!
SUCK ON IT! ***************************************************************************