Extra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-You're Major League Baseball trade deadline has come and gone. Let's look at the winners and losers......
Winners: The teams with all the money.
Losers: The teams whose rosters are raped and pillaged by the teams with money.
Baseball.....what a delightfully ironic microcosm of how the world works.
-Redneck in Scranton proclaims: "If your in America and can't speak English, get the fuck out!"
Hughstown, PA bigot, freedom of speech advocate, and foo manchu enthusiast Joseph Decker, was arrested in November for having this sign on the back of his pickup, and is now suing the town that violated his rights.
Horrible whenever someone's freedom of speech is threatened. Give these Hughstown coppers the benefit of the doubt and subscribe to the belief that they pulled Mr. Decker over, not for being offensive, but for being an ignorant prick with the grammar of someone who might live in Hughstown, Pennsylvania!
Yes it is true, that headline reads correct! The hooplehead's boisterous claim in favor of his beloved native tongue, failed to recognize some simple rules within the language he holds so dear.
Naturally after "my smart-alec wop lawyer said it wasn't proper grammar," Mr. Decker changed his sign, not only to be less offensive (he placed symbols within the "Fuck" word) but he did indeed correct his mistake and changed the "your" into "you're."
Think of it this way Spanish, Korean, and Swahili speakers; all you really need to live in Joe Decker's America is the same knowledge of the English language as someone who shits themselves regularly and is really into the Backyardigans. Get your shit together and pick up some books. I suggest Everybody Poops by Taro Gomi. You should be able to get Mr. Decker's view on the sanctity of the English language.
Joe Decker,
Although I find your views poppycock, I will fight 'til the death for your right to express them.
And now a return to innocence.
Hi oh ay ay ay ay ay. Oh ay ay ay ayeeeahahaha oh ay hee ay hee aha. Oh ayeeeay ah!
Grab a saw. Grab yourself. A man should have a talent his hands.
There's your blumpkin. Flush that two!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Some Headlines!.........
-Barack meets with Mr. Crowley and the Black Professor over a beer.
-The Honduran coup government still refuses to allow former Prez Manny Zelaya back into the country.
-The major media networks refuse to voice the opinions of single payer Health Care advocates.
And Finally.......
-It has been leaked by the New York Times that Mannywood and his former teammate Big Papi David Ortiz are 2 more names from the list of players who tested postive for 'roids in 2003
In related news.....
The Pope is Catholic, little girls love the Jonas Brothers, and Fox News leans right.
Anyone who posted on their Facebook or Twitter that they were surprised when they heard Big Papi did steroids should be given a certificate of authendoucheity. If you posted "Why Papi Why?" you had to be doing it tongue in cheek or you're a grade A, top choice bozo.
In the most obvious blurb of news since it was revealed Liberace was gay, Red Sux nation was finally given a swift kick in the nuts by the Karma Chameleon.
So much for that red golden dream.
Doesn't it give us all hope knowing that the purest form of evil in the modern sports world eventually got what was coming to it?
For the better part of this decade we have sat back and taken it up the ass by Tom Brady, Paul Pierce, Big Papi, and Boston fan. All while these lifelong losers finally took the brass ring. Centuries of futility erased in a flash. All of a sudden a "Nation" of winners was born.
Did you think you'd get away with it Bob Ryan? Were we really not going to figure it out Ben Affleck? You honestly believed we were that dumb Steven Tyler?
Boston fan couldn't take the bullying anymore. They needed a way out of the swirlies New York and L.A. were giving them. But what could they do?
Putting old fashioned hard work and elbow grease by the wayside, Beantown began to think outside the box.
As the stench of failure flowed through New England, and the pressure to win reached a boiling point, things began to happen......
A corrupt referee was regulating the courts of the NBA.
Steroid use became even more accessible and effiicient in baseball.
Videotaping technology became advanced and useful enough to give an upper hand to those with the cahones to utilize it.
What happens next? Championships are won. Heroes are born. The City of Losers turned itself into the City of Champions. And with the rings and a heavyweight media machine backing them up who was to argue?
As time goes by Boston fan is learning that these beloved years of sports prosperity that they have enjoyed are all a farce, a sham, a bamboozlement. Just like a poor boy growing up in the boondocks, the anguish and uncertainty led them down the wrong path.
It became to hard for Beantown. They took the easy way out. It would have been all gravy if they had gotten away with it. But they left a paper trail. It was all too good to be true.
You stole victory Boston; like a thief in the night. You're a loser. You knew it all along. And now, the world knows it. Cities have roles. Some win. Some lose. You had to learn the hard way what yours is.
There's your blumpkin. Don't forget to throw those rings in the bowl before you flush!
-Barack meets with Mr. Crowley and the Black Professor over a beer.
-The Honduran coup government still refuses to allow former Prez Manny Zelaya back into the country.
-The major media networks refuse to voice the opinions of single payer Health Care advocates.
And Finally.......
-It has been leaked by the New York Times that Mannywood and his former teammate Big Papi David Ortiz are 2 more names from the list of players who tested postive for 'roids in 2003
In related news.....
The Pope is Catholic, little girls love the Jonas Brothers, and Fox News leans right.
Anyone who posted on their Facebook or Twitter that they were surprised when they heard Big Papi did steroids should be given a certificate of authendoucheity. If you posted "Why Papi Why?" you had to be doing it tongue in cheek or you're a grade A, top choice bozo.
In the most obvious blurb of news since it was revealed Liberace was gay, Red Sux nation was finally given a swift kick in the nuts by the Karma Chameleon.
So much for that red golden dream.
Doesn't it give us all hope knowing that the purest form of evil in the modern sports world eventually got what was coming to it?
For the better part of this decade we have sat back and taken it up the ass by Tom Brady, Paul Pierce, Big Papi, and Boston fan. All while these lifelong losers finally took the brass ring. Centuries of futility erased in a flash. All of a sudden a "Nation" of winners was born.
Did you think you'd get away with it Bob Ryan? Were we really not going to figure it out Ben Affleck? You honestly believed we were that dumb Steven Tyler?
Boston fan couldn't take the bullying anymore. They needed a way out of the swirlies New York and L.A. were giving them. But what could they do?
Putting old fashioned hard work and elbow grease by the wayside, Beantown began to think outside the box.
As the stench of failure flowed through New England, and the pressure to win reached a boiling point, things began to happen......
A corrupt referee was regulating the courts of the NBA.
Steroid use became even more accessible and effiicient in baseball.
Videotaping technology became advanced and useful enough to give an upper hand to those with the cahones to utilize it.
What happens next? Championships are won. Heroes are born. The City of Losers turned itself into the City of Champions. And with the rings and a heavyweight media machine backing them up who was to argue?
As time goes by Boston fan is learning that these beloved years of sports prosperity that they have enjoyed are all a farce, a sham, a bamboozlement. Just like a poor boy growing up in the boondocks, the anguish and uncertainty led them down the wrong path.
It became to hard for Beantown. They took the easy way out. It would have been all gravy if they had gotten away with it. But they left a paper trail. It was all too good to be true.
You stole victory Boston; like a thief in the night. You're a loser. You knew it all along. And now, the world knows it. Cities have roles. Some win. Some lose. You had to learn the hard way what yours is.
There's your blumpkin. Don't forget to throw those rings in the bowl before you flush!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Seek and Deport....We're comin' for you Jose!
Rednecks love to hunt don't they?
Deer, swine, rabbits, rodents; you name it they'll tag 'em and bag 'em!
Well, it looks like they've been given some more game. And by none other than that colored fella that's been pissing them off so much, President Barack Obama.
BO's Homeland Security Secretary, former Arizona Gov. and reigning Flagstaff Local 244 Arm Wrestling Tournament champion Janet Napolitano, has made a monumental decision to expand a program called 287 (g), pertaining to the powers of local law enforcement in dealing with illegal immigration.
287 (g)'s expansion is awesome news for hunters and racists alike! It gives local "enforcers of the law" the ability to gain the same powers as their Federal fuck buddies, in arresting and detaining fence jumpers. Homeland Security will now be making agreements with your local piggly wigglies giving them the go ahead to racially profile and seek out immigrants even without suspicion of a crime.
"Ya hear that Merle?! Local fuzz get to hunt down spics! By golly I'm signin' up soon as my parole's up for that time I got caught jerkin' it to my cousin Sally at her confirmation!"
Now that people have been turned into game for our "protectors" to hunt down and since all you need to pass to become a cop is a drug test, I wouldn't be surprised to see all kinds of Billy Joe Bobby Deans and Bobby Bill Jimmy Franks run to their local Sheriff's office and join the force. Oh yes our friends at the border towns can finally disband their little posses and get down to it raw dog.
The ultimate hunt is on and poppin'! Good thing our best hunters will soon be on the prowl doing their patriotic duty for the rest of us.
It will require a keen sense of what the illegal's habits and tendencies are. This is why our most cultured individuals, the local baconators, are on the task.
"Alrighty now boys, it's time to save our homeland and protect America! Hell Yeah! Ok now fellas, be aware of all birthday parties being celebrated in the local park. You find any pinata smackers, you detain them and haul their ass in for questioning."
If shit goes down in La Ciudad like it apparently already has in Morristown, New Jersey we could be in big big trouble. Reportedly a man of the Italian persuasion was cruisin' with his ragtop down in Morristown, bumping some funky latin grooves when 5o asked him to show proof he wasn't an illegal. Astonished, the guido with a taste for bongos and horns pulled out his New jersey I.D. to appease the curious officers. This was an olive skinned spaghetti slurper! Imagine what's going to happen in L.A.! If you're even slightly tan I'd suggest staying far away from all pupuserias and soccer games.
Deer, swine, rabbits, rodents; you name it they'll tag 'em and bag 'em!
Well, it looks like they've been given some more game. And by none other than that colored fella that's been pissing them off so much, President Barack Obama.
BO's Homeland Security Secretary, former Arizona Gov. and reigning Flagstaff Local 244 Arm Wrestling Tournament champion Janet Napolitano, has made a monumental decision to expand a program called 287 (g), pertaining to the powers of local law enforcement in dealing with illegal immigration.
287 (g)'s expansion is awesome news for hunters and racists alike! It gives local "enforcers of the law" the ability to gain the same powers as their Federal fuck buddies, in arresting and detaining fence jumpers. Homeland Security will now be making agreements with your local piggly wigglies giving them the go ahead to racially profile and seek out immigrants even without suspicion of a crime.
"Ya hear that Merle?! Local fuzz get to hunt down spics! By golly I'm signin' up soon as my parole's up for that time I got caught jerkin' it to my cousin Sally at her confirmation!"
Now that people have been turned into game for our "protectors" to hunt down and since all you need to pass to become a cop is a drug test, I wouldn't be surprised to see all kinds of Billy Joe Bobby Deans and Bobby Bill Jimmy Franks run to their local Sheriff's office and join the force. Oh yes our friends at the border towns can finally disband their little posses and get down to it raw dog.
The ultimate hunt is on and poppin'! Good thing our best hunters will soon be on the prowl doing their patriotic duty for the rest of us.
It will require a keen sense of what the illegal's habits and tendencies are. This is why our most cultured individuals, the local baconators, are on the task.
"Alrighty now boys, it's time to save our homeland and protect America! Hell Yeah! Ok now fellas, be aware of all birthday parties being celebrated in the local park. You find any pinata smackers, you detain them and haul their ass in for questioning."
If shit goes down in La Ciudad like it apparently already has in Morristown, New Jersey we could be in big big trouble. Reportedly a man of the Italian persuasion was cruisin' with his ragtop down in Morristown, bumping some funky latin grooves when 5o asked him to show proof he wasn't an illegal. Astonished, the guido with a taste for bongos and horns pulled out his New jersey I.D. to appease the curious officers. This was an olive skinned spaghetti slurper! Imagine what's going to happen in L.A.! If you're even slightly tan I'd suggest staying far away from all pupuserias and soccer games.
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