Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
FUBAR
Yesterday, foundations were shook. Catastrophe was abound. Long standing structures were shaken to their very core. Lives were changed forever. And countless innocents were devastated. Every now and then a day rolls around that is just pure chaos. January 12, 2010 was one of those days.
With great dismay, I will first touch upon the travesty in Haiti. Hitting about 7.7 on the Richter scale, a mighty earthquake has reduced Haiti to rubble. Haiti is the poorest nation in the western hemisphere, and for this to happen to an already unfortunate nation, a paranoia of falling behind the eight ball as those cursed Haitians have consumes my soul like the black cloud that hovers over their poor island nation.
Slavery, corruption within the government, and constant foreign intervention have plagued Haiti since it became independent in 1804. Now it faces a rebuilding process of epic proportions that will see every capable nation lending a hand. This will be a moment of global solidarity for about 12 seconds before big foreign businesses "helping out" destroy the country in a far worse way; similar to the help Lane Kiffin gave to Tennessee after their devastating final year under Phil Fulmer. Which leads us to our next calamity that happened yesterday....
Not only did grotesque misfortunes plague a small Caribbean country on 1/12/10, the winds of adversity also blew through Knoxville, Tennessee. Had it just been the disaster in Haiti, my fear would have subsided after an all night binge of salty dogs and UNO; but after seeing the baffling events that took place in the once proud south, my paranoia rose to a threat level as red as the devil’s dick.
Lane Kiffin packing up and leaving for USC did not come as a surprise. Tennessee allowing it to happen did. How does an SEC school allow a coach to sign a pre-nuptial agreement like that? An institution riddled in tradition like UT should have known better than to hire a guy who lasted as an NFL head coach, albeit with Al Davis, for barely one year. It was questioned when they made the hire, and now the UT heads will have their noses shoved right into the heaping pile of waste left by their hasty decision to hire a young football brat as their head of state.
The buyout on Kiffin’s contract was $800K. The tricked out hummer given to Reggie Bush cost Southern Cal more. For being in the strongest and most respected conference in all of college football, UT has truly fallen behind the times when it comes to the business end of the sport. They are operating under rules that haven’t been observed in two decades.
Loyalty, tradition, and integrity waved bye bye to the world of college football at about the same time those diarrhea factories you call your favorite pizza parlors started putting their logos on our formerly beloved bowl games. UT is in the goddamn South Eastern Conference, they should be reprimanded by their southern cohorts for showing a childlike naivety not seen down there since Dr. Arliss Lovelace believed he could get Grant to sign that surrender treaty.
What did UT think they were getting out of the deal? How can educated people be this dumb? You cannot give them a way out if you’re the party with everything to lose! UT has officially become the redheaded step child or the Haiti, if you will, of the SEC.
Just like Haiti, years of corruption have left UT fucked up beyond all recognition. What was once a proud program, has turned into a sad, snake bitten, ceaseless suckfest. The UT program has been set back 4 to 5 years with this heinous and disloyal act. Equating that to the damage done in Haiti; a 4 to 5 year rebuilding process in college football, especially the SEC, is the same as the likely 2 to 3 decade long rebuilding effort Haiti is in for. However, Haiti was never in good shape, so they have that going for them. UT has the pressure of winning, appeasing the media, and making money off of gifted adolescents; a task that takes a far more Herculean effort than building up a nation. Millions of dollars will be lost. Countless souls will be sacrificed. Hope will spread pubic hair thin. The future is bleak and tough times are guaranteed to be on the horizon.
By now I am physically shaking. Time and tide wait for no man. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been through all the bullshit already or that you’ve played by the rules the entire time. Misfortunes do not come singly and they can happen to anyone. Just try and keep it together, that’s my plan. Stay on your toes, be prepared for anything, because that’s exactly what can happen.
Peace easy.
BC
With great dismay, I will first touch upon the travesty in Haiti. Hitting about 7.7 on the Richter scale, a mighty earthquake has reduced Haiti to rubble. Haiti is the poorest nation in the western hemisphere, and for this to happen to an already unfortunate nation, a paranoia of falling behind the eight ball as those cursed Haitians have consumes my soul like the black cloud that hovers over their poor island nation.
Slavery, corruption within the government, and constant foreign intervention have plagued Haiti since it became independent in 1804. Now it faces a rebuilding process of epic proportions that will see every capable nation lending a hand. This will be a moment of global solidarity for about 12 seconds before big foreign businesses "helping out" destroy the country in a far worse way; similar to the help Lane Kiffin gave to Tennessee after their devastating final year under Phil Fulmer. Which leads us to our next calamity that happened yesterday....
Not only did grotesque misfortunes plague a small Caribbean country on 1/12/10, the winds of adversity also blew through Knoxville, Tennessee. Had it just been the disaster in Haiti, my fear would have subsided after an all night binge of salty dogs and UNO; but after seeing the baffling events that took place in the once proud south, my paranoia rose to a threat level as red as the devil’s dick.
Lane Kiffin packing up and leaving for USC did not come as a surprise. Tennessee allowing it to happen did. How does an SEC school allow a coach to sign a pre-nuptial agreement like that? An institution riddled in tradition like UT should have known better than to hire a guy who lasted as an NFL head coach, albeit with Al Davis, for barely one year. It was questioned when they made the hire, and now the UT heads will have their noses shoved right into the heaping pile of waste left by their hasty decision to hire a young football brat as their head of state.
The buyout on Kiffin’s contract was $800K. The tricked out hummer given to Reggie Bush cost Southern Cal more. For being in the strongest and most respected conference in all of college football, UT has truly fallen behind the times when it comes to the business end of the sport. They are operating under rules that haven’t been observed in two decades.
Loyalty, tradition, and integrity waved bye bye to the world of college football at about the same time those diarrhea factories you call your favorite pizza parlors started putting their logos on our formerly beloved bowl games. UT is in the goddamn South Eastern Conference, they should be reprimanded by their southern cohorts for showing a childlike naivety not seen down there since Dr. Arliss Lovelace believed he could get Grant to sign that surrender treaty.
What did UT think they were getting out of the deal? How can educated people be this dumb? You cannot give them a way out if you’re the party with everything to lose! UT has officially become the redheaded step child or the Haiti, if you will, of the SEC.
Just like Haiti, years of corruption have left UT fucked up beyond all recognition. What was once a proud program, has turned into a sad, snake bitten, ceaseless suckfest. The UT program has been set back 4 to 5 years with this heinous and disloyal act. Equating that to the damage done in Haiti; a 4 to 5 year rebuilding process in college football, especially the SEC, is the same as the likely 2 to 3 decade long rebuilding effort Haiti is in for. However, Haiti was never in good shape, so they have that going for them. UT has the pressure of winning, appeasing the media, and making money off of gifted adolescents; a task that takes a far more Herculean effort than building up a nation. Millions of dollars will be lost. Countless souls will be sacrificed. Hope will spread pubic hair thin. The future is bleak and tough times are guaranteed to be on the horizon.
By now I am physically shaking. Time and tide wait for no man. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been through all the bullshit already or that you’ve played by the rules the entire time. Misfortunes do not come singly and they can happen to anyone. Just try and keep it together, that’s my plan. Stay on your toes, be prepared for anything, because that’s exactly what can happen.
Peace easy.
BC
Friday, January 8, 2010
Playoff Manifesto
As Nick Saban forced a smile and hoisted his newly won crystal ball, in the back of his mind he was thinking two things:
-Those fucks with the Gatorade are dead!
And…..
-Is that all there is to it?
Touching upon coach’s first thought first, that shower he received was more like a mugging, a douse and run, an assault and showering. The look on Saban’s face after he was accosted by the suspects, two African-American men in their early twenties; was worth the entire evening, even with the star of the show being knocked out before the party ever started. Talking heads were saying the morning after that Saban showed such little emotion after the shower because of the intensity and competitive drive within his heartless soul. I beg to differ. I surmise that coach kept a platypus face after his customary electrolyte bath because he, like most of America, knew that although his Alabama team had beaten a very worthy opponent, they were in no way a real champion. Coach Saban knew that the shower/mollywopping given to him by his players was not quite warranted.
That brings me to that second notion that struck through the Alabama miracle man’s noodle as he accepted the prize before a raucous Pasadena crowd. Is that all there is to it? That’s all that is required by the powers that be and the people to be recognized as the best? Even when there’s another team who beat more than worthy opponents on their way to an equally undefeated season?
When you think about it, besides a victory on a national stage, Nick Saban didn’t have much else to get giddy about. The trophy presentation was a farce,. He knew it. The 100,000 plus at the Rose Bowl and the millions watching at home knew it as well. Yet every single one of them accepted it.
Just as they accepted the government taking their money and handing it to bankers, the people allowed the BCS to take their trophy and hand it to the team they deemed fit to hoist it. There is no end to the atrocities that the people will allow corporate entities to get away with, no matter how violent, unfair, and evil they may be. I understood it when it happened with our money. Ok you got us, we hadn’t a clue what the fuck a credit default swap was. You pulled a fast one with that sub-prime mortgage bullshit; but when it happens in football, you are stepping way the fuck out of line!
Football is America. Call it an obsession, or an illness, or an addiction, whatever! It defines the very fabric that makes up an American. We can take this shit seriously. And you can get away with a lot of things. You can get away with tweaking the rules of the game to make it more ratings friendly, smear corporate feces all over the broadcasts, and even leave crippled ex-warriors without proper health care to nurse the copious nagging injuries that they have. But we the American people will be damned if you are going to take us for this ride without a proper and just climax! You already prevent us health care for pre-existing health conditions; if you think that you’re going to tease us like this any longer, then as a scantily clad bald British man told me once, "you got another thing comin'!"
I went to protest the evil BCS as tailgates and pre-game festivities took place, asking many Longhorn and Tide fans what they thought of the BCS. An overwhelming majority told me that they believed it was a tyrannical and unfair oligarchy. Yet when I asked them having said that, would they still feel like a champion after a victory at the 2010 BCS “national championship,” every single one of them said yes. Pussies.
So I will speak for the people here, because I am not mesmerized by the shiny crystal ball and I refuse to ignore the man behind the curtain. Unlike the Alabama and Texas fans whom I surveyed, I will not consider any of your “so-called champions” to be champions. Once we add our beloved playoff, all of your “champs” will have a big fat asterisk by it. The tyranny and the bullshit is over! Down with the BCS!
SUCK ON IT! ***************************************************************************
-Those fucks with the Gatorade are dead!
And…..
-Is that all there is to it?
Touching upon coach’s first thought first, that shower he received was more like a mugging, a douse and run, an assault and showering. The look on Saban’s face after he was accosted by the suspects, two African-American men in their early twenties; was worth the entire evening, even with the star of the show being knocked out before the party ever started. Talking heads were saying the morning after that Saban showed such little emotion after the shower because of the intensity and competitive drive within his heartless soul. I beg to differ. I surmise that coach kept a platypus face after his customary electrolyte bath because he, like most of America, knew that although his Alabama team had beaten a very worthy opponent, they were in no way a real champion. Coach Saban knew that the shower/mollywopping given to him by his players was not quite warranted.
That brings me to that second notion that struck through the Alabama miracle man’s noodle as he accepted the prize before a raucous Pasadena crowd. Is that all there is to it? That’s all that is required by the powers that be and the people to be recognized as the best? Even when there’s another team who beat more than worthy opponents on their way to an equally undefeated season?
When you think about it, besides a victory on a national stage, Nick Saban didn’t have much else to get giddy about. The trophy presentation was a farce,. He knew it. The 100,000 plus at the Rose Bowl and the millions watching at home knew it as well. Yet every single one of them accepted it.
Just as they accepted the government taking their money and handing it to bankers, the people allowed the BCS to take their trophy and hand it to the team they deemed fit to hoist it. There is no end to the atrocities that the people will allow corporate entities to get away with, no matter how violent, unfair, and evil they may be. I understood it when it happened with our money. Ok you got us, we hadn’t a clue what the fuck a credit default swap was. You pulled a fast one with that sub-prime mortgage bullshit; but when it happens in football, you are stepping way the fuck out of line!
Football is America. Call it an obsession, or an illness, or an addiction, whatever! It defines the very fabric that makes up an American. We can take this shit seriously. And you can get away with a lot of things. You can get away with tweaking the rules of the game to make it more ratings friendly, smear corporate feces all over the broadcasts, and even leave crippled ex-warriors without proper health care to nurse the copious nagging injuries that they have. But we the American people will be damned if you are going to take us for this ride without a proper and just climax! You already prevent us health care for pre-existing health conditions; if you think that you’re going to tease us like this any longer, then as a scantily clad bald British man told me once, "you got another thing comin'!"
I went to protest the evil BCS as tailgates and pre-game festivities took place, asking many Longhorn and Tide fans what they thought of the BCS. An overwhelming majority told me that they believed it was a tyrannical and unfair oligarchy. Yet when I asked them having said that, would they still feel like a champion after a victory at the 2010 BCS “national championship,” every single one of them said yes. Pussies.
So I will speak for the people here, because I am not mesmerized by the shiny crystal ball and I refuse to ignore the man behind the curtain. Unlike the Alabama and Texas fans whom I surveyed, I will not consider any of your “so-called champions” to be champions. Once we add our beloved playoff, all of your “champs” will have a big fat asterisk by it. The tyranny and the bullshit is over! Down with the BCS!
SUCK ON IT! ***************************************************************************
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