Almost as good as Winning the Super Bowl

Ron Mexico got picked up by the Philadelphia Eagles.




This development, I must say, has the potential to put the kind of grin on my face that is so wide it hurts. The kind of smile usually reserved for Kings and a 28 year old getting laid for the first time.

If this "experiment" pans out, then the entire Eagles "organization" will cave like the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl.

We all know it's coming. First the alienation of one Donavan F. McNabb. McNabb will try to take it in stride. Say he's glad Vick's on his team, and that he's another weapon for them to utilize. He will of course be clenching his butt cheeks while saying this to Suzy Kolber, holding in the anger and feelings of betrayal. Even though he's never won anything, McNabb has that right, because he knows the golden rule.....If you have 2 starting quarterbacks, then you have no starting quarterbacks.


Donavan's resentment resonates onto the field. Eventually the calls for Vick drive him out of town; but before Vick can step in, McNabb, having made various connections over the years in Philly, has Vick "taken care of."

Vick, preparing to take the starting role, gets cozy in the Philly burbs', and sets up shop. Vick realizes that he's in Westchester, where dog fighting is non-existent, so he gets the idea that he can get some of his boys some extra dough by funding some fights. Luring in the big spenders from the tri-state area, Vick makes his boys exuberant amounts of cash and all is gravy. But then Vick's boys, having the security to cut their thuggish ruggish bond with their financer, rat Vick's ass out after McNabb pays them off in free cheese steaks for life after negotiating a deal with Pat's and Geno's.

Vick goes back to the big house and McNabb is exiled to a suck town, maybe somewhere like Oakland, or even worse...... Cleveland!

After the great McNabb-Vick screw job, Philly is left with Kevin Kolb at QB and Andy Reid has gained 80 lbs and one of his sons is charged with intent to sell crack cocaine to a one-legged post op transvestite/Vietnam Vet.

Reid is eventually fired. Shady McCoy says fuck this place and leaves for greener pastures. And Philadelphia is left stranded with nothing again. The status quo is safe once again. And Philly begins to collectively boo and boo and boo some more. The sound of the boos will be so loud and profound that Pittsburghers will hear them, reminding them that they are the true lords of the manor, rulers of the land, and champions of the Keystone State. It's gonna be great! I can't wait!

What is going on? Who is doing this?

Well…well…well…

The sleeping giant has woken.

Today was the University of Pittsburgh Varsity Football Team’s media day. What does that mean exactly? The answer is absolutely nothing. Who gives a hoot? The only thing news worthy was the unveiling of the new uniforms. Pitt switched from Addias to Nike. Why? Cash, that’s why. What the hell Mr. Pederson. Why must you change our apparel every year? I understand that you have a difficult task on your hands picking up the pieces from former athletic director Jeff Long, who failed miserably in the scheduling department, and making up for the on-field under achievements; but you’re really fucking up here. You’re just trying to sell new shirts to people like me who will buy them. Isn’t it bad enough that donations must be made on top of season tickets and these donations determine your seats? Don’t get me wrong, Stevie P. has done a fantastic job with scheduling and other management decisions, but if you’re going to develop a brand, you have to get some consistency. I know this is not the SEC and when times are tough you must suck the money from somewhere and the new uniforms is the sweeper he’s selected at the expense of the integrity of our brand. Enough with the talk, let’s get a look at these bad boys.

When you look at this picture, the first thing that comes to mind is that DE Jabaal Sheard is one bad motherfucker and he is going to hurt anyone he gets his mitts on. Once that has been digested, you’ll notice that these uniforms are very similar to the previous years, just not as flashy. The colors aren’t as bright giving and they are rather simple them an old school look. However, when I look at these rags I see a psu uniform with Notre Dame colors. They look too similar to Notre Dame and Navy in my opinion. I prefer something like this.

Now for the important stuff, what can we expect from our boys this year? During the Big East media day, representatives TE Nate Byham, DE Greg “I get more white women than you” Romeus, and Murrysivlle’s favorite son RG John Malecki accepted the award of being ranked number 1 in the Big East preseason poll. Well isn’t that a load of horseshit. Take a gander at this poll:

Rank Team Points

1. Pittsburgh (8) 161

2. West Virginia (5) 151

3. Cincinnati (8) 144

4. USF (3) 130

5. Rutgers 126

6. Connecticut 74

7. Louisville 51

8. Syracuse 27

Who the hell votes for this shit? Football beat writers don’t even have a vote. Casual observers like Ron Cook and Bob Smizek that can’t even name 10 guys on half the teams cast blind votes based on bowl game performances and returning quarterbacks. Some people, such as coaches, know who they’re voting for but these others clowns don’t have a clue and are trying to satisfy their agenda. Satisfy this. This league will not be that competitive. The way things look now, Pitt will roll through conference, but we’ll save predictions to just prior to week 1.

Training camp starts tomorrow but officially doesn’t start till this weekend because of the NCAA enforcing these “no pads” pansy ass rules. Let’s face it, these kids are here to play football and goddamn it they should play. Why, oh why, can these kids only practice 2 hours per day in shorts and t-shirts? They certainly are not going to library...to study.

For practice reports, you can read Kevin Gorman’s blog at tribunereview.com, Paul Zeise and pittsburghpostgazette.com, rivals.com, and scout.com, but if you want the real spin, read The Daily Blumpkin.

Too many questions Mr. Wayne…too many questions.

There’s a lot of fuss coming into this camp primarily due to a poor performance during a meaningless game on new years eve. The truth is that there are some bad mamajamas on this team and some fools are going to get whooped. RT Lucas Nix is meaner than deep fried alligator tail, FB Henry Hynoski resembles pickup truck from Edinboro, and DT Mick Williams may kill someone.

Quarterback is obviously the concern on everybody’s mind and rightfully so. Some of you may be looking at the quarterback situation and asking yourselves, what does Wannstedt see in this kid? Billy Stull played good enough last year before an injury derailed his season. If Stull can’t return to form from before he got wrecked against Rutgers, Lancaster’s own Pat Bostick or the next great one from Central, Tino Sunseri, better be ready. If these guys can’t pull it together, these games will be close. Other concerns include replacing the kicker, offensive line depth, consistency at wide receiver, and breaking in new line backers.

As far as I’m concerned, the defense is going to hurt people and the new offensive coordinator may make all the difference. The bottom line is that the wolf pack, the church, usf bulls, bearcats, and hoople heads better be ready or they’re going to get blasted. I suggest everyone sit back, crack open a Just Coors, and get yourself a few of Mrs. Russo’s meatballs because this season will be BALDWIN!

The War of Plunder

The economy sucks.

People have no health care.

Banks boasting huge quarterly profits in wake of being handed money before they failed at Bank life.

Business as usual in America.

The ignorance of the public is pretty laughable. Arguing complaining, wondering what the fuck is happening as they gaze around like a child lost and without a clue, looking for mommy in the dark movie theater. All of this as the facts, the history, the evidence as to why so many of them are getting screwed is there and very plain to see.

Can't shit on proverbs either man. It's pretty obvious to see that ignorance truly is bliss.

The public loves them some goddamn ignorance man. Can't get enough. Like Coke, football, and porno, it's an American staple.

So we let a small group of greedy jagoffs take the money we don't have out of our pockets to "save" their companies. Meanwhile, they give each other bonuses for doing such a good job at giving that triumphant assfuck to the people's collective cornhole.

While few try to take action, the rest of the humanoids shut up and let it go by the wayside while they go on with life. The do walk a little funny now however do to the constant poop shoot pounding they've been receiving.

Even with the peg legged sailor limp, the public won't question the dicks who are screwing them.

Why? Why are they just letting this happen. Who wants to see the rich get richer while the poor get poorer? Haven't wars broke out because of shit like that? Didn't a dude in England used to steal from castles and prance into the forest with rich people's goods to help out people in this situation? Why isn't anyone stepping up? Are the public a bunch of pussies? Are they assholes?

The answer is: A little bit of both.

As they famously claim and allude to in Team America: World Police, the public is a collection of assholes and pussies.

Assholes who smoke ignorance blunts all day everyday. It's what they do! Sticking to their guns and saying fuck the rest. Most of these assholes are brainwashed humanoids who can't think for themselves. These are the worst kinds of assholes. As opposed to the more genuine and honest assholes. People who are openly selfish, lazy, hateful, and just not pleasant to be near.

I can deal with these assholes. I respect their honesty and the clear line they mark in the sand between themselves and the ones who didn't have a little kid pee in their gene pool. At least these assholes make it so we know who to avoid and pay no attention to.

Those other assholes, the brainwashed ones allowing themselves to sit on the sidelines and be force fed shit until they poop out double doses of shit, filling the pipes up with more shit than it can take; causing the system to back up and spray shit back out at us, making it impossible to flush, leaving the rest of us with excess shit to smell and look at as it just lies there in all its fecal glory.

These assholes suck because they show signs of hope but eventually fall in line with the other assholes. Their brains are canvases that appear to be clear and ready to be turned into works of art, but before we can touch it with the brush, like chimps during play time on a hot summer day, the other assholes run up to them and throw their own feces all over the beautifully plain canvas; killing the would be masterpiece, turning it into a shit show. Those are the throw aways. The ones worth jack shit. Not even shitty enough to be considered avant garde or kiche ; but just plain old shit.

Hard to determine who should be loathed by the sane; those assholes or the pussies. Not the good pussies with the landing strip and the cute little pink labes dangling so elegant and free. I'm talking about the hairy beasts that spread tuna stench and chlamydia everywhere. Wimps, wussies, and paranoid schizo's run amok in country. The complete pussification of our once great society has left the younger generations crippled by over-protection and and the mass confusion that the PC era has spread throughout the land like a California wild fire.

Unlike assholes however, pussies can be saved. The cure? Anarchy. Rage. Anger. Some say a dangerous path to take; but like a surgeon performing a risky operation on a cancer patient with a minuscule chance at survival, these are the only options for a full recovery. And so I excite this upon my loyal pussy readers......

Go to the hill, the plan, or the gated community where your local richers live and knock on the door and ask them if you can have a conversation about the state of current shit. If they let you in, ask them what they do for living, how they maintain their lifestyle. Make sure to identify all religious and social affiliations. Get a sense of what it is like for them. Try and be civilized and get to know how these humanoids.

If they decline, make sure you ate a lot of broccoli before you left the pad and take a steamy shit in their driveway.

There's your Blumpkin. Might want to make a courtesy flush after that log rolls down there.